I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

It's Christmas time again..

I guess I am crazy. I relate all my memories to places, songs, festive seasons, people, smell, etc. Have you ever eaten a green yummy gummy worm?? I have.. Rom forcefully put one into my mouth. ‘Lemon tree’ always reminded me of this episode even after eight long years. Don’t ask me why.. I really don’t know.. Probably it’s just that her cousin loved this song... Probably..

Do you know that I was convicted for an attempted murder when I was just six??? Raw mangoes were my weakness during childhood. Morris, my 16 year old neighbor knelt in front of me. I had a raw, real sour mango in my left hand and a knife in my right hand. GIVE IT TO ME!! He barked. He scared the shit out of me.. A pause.. I did not hesitate. I stroke him down with the knife. Five stitches on the forehead. I turned out to be an overnight sensation among the other kids in my neighborhood. Was I crazy??

Yesterday, one of my team members approached me for 3 days of leave. Something evoked my mind to bring up this unpleasant incident to my conscious mind. How could this happen out of the blue??? Give me a minute.. Said I. Sure!! He was back on his seat. Five minutes…. Rajan!!! He came up to me swiftly assuming that I had already approved his leaves. What’s in your mouth? A candy.. What candy?? Parle.. Which flavor?? Raw mango (Kacha Aam).. Great!!!! The mystery was solved. He gave me a perplexed look. I have granted your leaves.. Thank you!!! He offered me a Kacha Aam. I refused politely. I could not tell him that I didn’t like it coz it smelled blood.. He thought I was crazy.. Was I??

Would killing black ants cost someone’s life? It almost did. It was Christmas time.. I was watching my favorite cartoons series ‘A Pup Named Scooby-Doo’. My mom always found that some groceries were needed whenever I was doing something very important (Like watching Scooby-Doo). Moreover, she never let me negotiate on those ‘right away’ orders. But I could convince her that I cannot manage alone. My brother always cursed me for that.

I jumped out of the house and my eyes were caught on the wall. I saw a cluster of black ants which moved faster than the most common red ants. I enjoyed playing God and universe with such ants and insects. I would be the God who took care of the world (ant’s colony). I had complete control over them. I rescued them from all natural disasters. Sometimes I punished the bad ants. How could they settle on the wall without my permission??? I decided to punish them by sending fire. I took out an old newspaper and burnt it. Black ants moved very hastily. I only noticed hundreds of ants falling on the floor succumbing to the rage of their mighty God. But my mom noticed the lately painted (for Christmas), ‘as white as snow’ wall turning black. SLAP!!! Her five fingers said something to my face.. It took time for me to grasp what had happened. I was worried if the survivors would realize that their God was overpowered. With all agony and pain I asked her.. WHY HERE?? (I meant in front of the ants).. She didn’t seem to understand, she never cared..

All this happened, so we had to go late to the grocery shop. I walked holding my brother’s hand feeling deprived of my pride and honor. Suddenly, a fast moving object collided with us from behind. I was lifted and landed on the road in a fraction of a second. I saw my brother flying like the Superman to the other side of one of the most heavily traveled roads in Cochin at the peak hour. I could feel my shirt getting wet. I closed my eyes even before I realized that it was blood. That was a 'drunken master' in action. He was flying a motor bike and had hit us from behind during his stunt. As Mr. Bond said, "Accidents do happen".

I opened my eyes, I was smart enough to realize that I was in a hospital with the smell of disinfectants. I noticed my brother lying on the bed next to mine. I thought he was dead and he thought, vice versa.. I had four stitches on my head and my brother, five stitches on his chin. My mom cried till the day we were discharged from the hospital. She thought it all happened because of her. This would not have happened if she had sent us five minutes earlier to the shop. Even now, her eyes would overflow if I refer to this incident. I often did :).. Am I crazy??

The smell of paints and solvents remind me of Christmas. My papa made it a point that the house got painted every year just before Christmas. I still remember I would be under tremendous stress preparing for the mid term examinations. The house would be in a highly disorganized state with the smell of paints and turpentine. Every year, every single year, my papa hired the same guy who was highly inefficient and irritating. He took atleast six days to complete the work along with his assistants which can be completed in three day’s time. He would just laugh if we asked. He called me Josie, and atleast 25 times a day. Josie, I need some water.. Josie get the brush which I have kept on the table.. Josie get me a rope.. Josie turn on the TV, I need to watch the news.. Almost every year I asked my papa not to hire him atleast for the next year. That year he delayed it so much that he finished the painting on 24th evening.

My friends had come home that evening so that we could all go for the midnight mass from there. As soon as we entered the house, I called my mom and started cursing that guy, explaining how lazy and unproductive he was. I also told that he was an idiot who never knew how to manage his work. My mom stood there without uttering a word.. Her face turned red.. I felt something was wrong. One of my friends poked me from behind and pointed towards the sofa. I slowly turned towards the sofa. I saw him sitting there without even chewing the banana chips he had already put in his mouth. He left the tea cup half filled and came to me. He patted on my back and said, “Merry Christmas” and left humiliated and dishonored on a Christmas eve.. I am sure I was crazy!!


I am in a constant battle with myself to suppress the bad things in me and to bring out the goodness. This Christmas, I dream of being a better son, a better brother, a better companion and a better neighbor. May the good times and treasures of the present become the golden memories of tomorrow. Wish you lots of love, joy and happiness.


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!


"Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas."
- Dale Evans Rogers